Where Are You?

The warm sun rays caresses

my face,

It is 10.00am and another Friday morning,

On the table my book left opened,

With words left unfinished.

I opened my eyes,

I was not the same man,

A man looking for you,

Who are you I do not know?

Flipped the pages over and over,

What am I looking for?

I took a sip from my cup,

Exhaled a lonesome breath.

At night I stared out at the night

canvas,

Speaking to you,

The empty winds that carried my

words to you,

Were you listening?

As my eyes close to bring an

end to the night,

My heart still asks,

Of this question every night,

Where are you…where are you?

Oh my love…I have missed you so.

Where are you…?

Puisi Yang Tidak Akan Terbaca

Melihatnya aku ke sana,
Menjelang matahari memancar sinarnya
padaku,
Sang Angin datang membawa khabar,
Khabarnya nostalgia dari utara.

Pernah aku kerinduan padamu,
Namun tetap kamu pergi,
Terpisah aku dari kamu buat selamanya,
Hanya sekarang bisa aku mengungkap
sebuah puisi.

Tetap aku berjalan lagi,
Terpeluk erat oleh bayanganmu,
Berat tertekannya pada hatiku,
Aku pasrah dan tidak bisa berkata-kata
lagi.

Apakah ini nasibku karena terlalu daif,
Apakah aku ini kepada kamu,
Cuman seorang anak desa yang penuh
emosi,
Kerinduan yang tidak pernah mati.

Diungkapkan dalam sebuah puisi yang tidak
akan terbaca.

The Years That Passed

Someone dear to me once asked me,tell me a story about your life before you came to indonesia.I said,well i don't know where to end nor know where to start.Every year past by with memories etched into my head.I have never thought life would be a roller coster ride after the events of 2010.Yet i had a feeling that it would though i was always brushed it off and assumed everything was going to be great and smooth going.

I was born to a middle class family.We have almost anything in our family except the love for each other.At times,we tend to be calculative and materialistic when it comes to make a decision for the family.The age gap between me and my siblings is so wide.That i feel we grow in two different worlds.Well i can't put the blame there as my sister who is the third sibling is 13 years my senior.Thus i kind of grew up along with the kids around the neighbourhood.We had a lot of fun back then.

As time goes by,i grew up.I started attending school.I was the first in my family to enrol in a pure government school.Well it was a great experience.It developed into what i am today.School days were fun.We were innocent,happy and weren't afraid of anything.We weren't afraid of anyone nor anything,teachers,dangers and etc.We were just crazy dare devils.Yet we were afraid of our parent since they are the one controlling our finances.

As time passed,i moved on to secindary school.There began another phase in my life.We became even more crazy.Well this is another by product of studying in a boy's school.We had a lot adventures back then.Carzy adventures,great trips and stupid pranks.The alcohol,ciggarettes and the girls were all part of our life then.No matter how hard we try to fool around,we never fooled with our studies.As a matter of fact,most of my classmates are doing quite well as we speak.Most of them are pursuing a profesional course somewhere and you may never know that the guy you are sitting next to was a big time rascal back at school.

Time passed so fast,though back then it was like taking forever to past a day.After completing National Service,i obtained my SPM results.Later that year in 2008 i continue my studies into Form 6.Another defining moment again for me.Learned alot about hard work and love.Especially on the part how they sting you.I didn't really had much fun then.Was so stress with school that time and i almost quit Form 6 to pursue another course.Well i continued to linger on,and God's grace shined upon me.With the results i have obtained i was able to pursue my degree.

All things changed after i got my STPM results.The year of 2010,was a year of turmoil and i barely survive the depression.Imagine yourself going through two episodes of depression in a year.Not a fun thing at all.After going through it.Have i know now to humble myself.Love the people around me,appreciate my family and friends and myself.From that time on,i told myself that shall never another soul experience what i go through.

The times that passed showed me alot.Opened my eyes too in the process.Like they say,maybe this is god's way of teaching you.A lesson learned yet much to unravel in the future.

Friends always be grateful of what life has offered you today.Today,tomorrow,yesterday is a blessing from the Almighty.I pray every day.I hope my prayers will be answered one day.

Elusive Love

Elusive yet beautiful,

They call her an elusive beauty,

Love is it her name,

Powerful and potent she is.

Her power to create life,

Sow destruction from her breath,

Capable of things of many wonders,

For so that is love.

Sometimes love is not enough,

Reinforce with understanding

and patience,

Then will it blossom,

A flower of radiance.

I once believe in her,

In a time not long ago,

Elusive Love oh Elusive Love,,

Do i now or will i ever again believe?

15-12-2010

Yesterday we were laughing,

Today i am shunned,

What was not done to you,

It was like done to you.

You say i can't be forgiven,

You say i can't learned,

You say i don't deserve good,

You say i don't have it.

When i look back i see memories,

Of laughter and joy,

When i open my eyes now,

Of tears sometimes emotions pour.

For once i don't feel like returning,

For once i lost my hope,

For once i can't see anything,

For once i say no.

Questions at times i can't answer,

Answers that take a lifetime to tell,

A tale never ends and winding,

Questions that keep ringing.

Maybe to never be known,

Maybe to never be heard,

Thus said is like dust,

Blown easily after dusted.

The four corners keeps me in,

At times so dark and cold,

The warmth i see outside,

At times the only respite i have.

At this land now i walk,

Away and further i move,

May the mountains and seas hide it,

For now i only wish to be away.

With A Pen

With a pen on my right,

Much have i wrote,

Stories of past and present,

Of the sun and rain.

Assorted tales of my past,

Of this life i cherish,

Some stories i can never erase,

Inked to a chapter.

When stories read again,

Memories flows like ink from

my pen,

Some chapters are best left

on the shelf,

While some read with fondness.

The permanent stain it holds,

Etches a lifetime of tales,

Bit by bit i pen down my life,

Upon a piece of paper called

memories.

A Dream

Drip by drip tears fell,

From above to touch my head,

Reminds me of the moments,

Me and you were one.

Like rowing a boat in a storm,

To challenge the waves,

To overcome them,

Like hell it felt.

The sun shine on my face,

Found myself on an island,

Distant yet tranquil,

Sand of white and skies of blue.

If you were ever here,

Like how it was in my dream,

Maybe i dreamt too much,

So they say it was a dream.

Success and Failure

"My greatest success was also my greatest failure and i am despised for being truthful to my feelings and thoughts".-Eddy Sanjana

30-9-2010

Selat Melaka memisahkan kita,
Sang Angin yang membawa khabar,
Seikhlas hati dari Kota Medan,
Sebesar hatiku diberikan.

29-9-2010

Dijanjikan tiada lagi,
Diungkapkan sesudah itu,
Di kota Medan berita sayu,
Di sini menunggu pudar.

Fact

"Sometimes my heart is like facing a storm when i can't comprehend some facts.Facts that are harsh for me to accept but to let it go is simple because you just to live with it for what has been done has been done.Living is to see the beauty of what one can do for you and to themselves.When you see it you feel glad that you have shared your life with them and for a while there is no doubt in you.Thus i have another goal now,that is to humble my inner self."-P.T.Quah

Revelation

After i have returned i have realised that i have to take my life one moment at a time.By doing so i have seen that i could see a much clearer picture of matters that are being addressed before me.Problems,issues and headaches are always around me but i have seem to take it all at the wrong way.I have always assumed that all my problems must be settled all at a single go.Well it seem to have successfully killed me in the process.

In my revelation i have realised that problems should not sum up together to be a big a problem.It is wiser to separate them so your stress level doesn't shoot all the way up until it breaks the mercuric meter.It is like when eating a cake,you can't swallow an entire cake at a single gulp but you have to cut it into simple and smaller pieces so you can chew and digest the cake more efficiently.Well you can eat many multiple small pieces but can't eat an entire cake at one go.

In the midst of solving all your problems the mind has become a very valuable asset in combating your woes.Without you realising it, the mind is always thinking no matter what time is it or whatever you maybe doing.It is the Big Ben which is always working without stopping.Yet the amount work place upon the mind must never be excessive.Like the law of physics dictates a material would bend to the force applied if the force applied is more than what the material can withstand on it's own.This means one should always work their mind based on the situation they are facing.

There is no point worrying too much of the problem of the future or the past when the current issue must be address and solve during that particular period of time.No matter how hard we are thinking about the rest we will never solve anything until the current matter has been resolved.Thus one should face their issues one at a time.

One should always remember to live a happy live.Do not be so stiff in life.Happiness is important and it must be treasured always.Take your steps one at a time if you try to take a Great Leap you might end up like a Red Chairman.

Voices of Chaos

The voices whisper in him,

Surround him like a ghost,

Their cackling even clearer,

A nightmare in autumn.

Digging in his conscious,

Feeding him with nightmares,

Corruption within his soul,

Lost of faith towards the Truth.

Sanity tips the balance,

Pondering the time for walls to fall,

His destiny to fall to Chaos,

Their voices speak clearer in time.

Voices of Chaos,

A battle of sanity against madness,

When will it stop,

May peace be upon his soul.

Board

"It is never hard to board a ship but the hardest is to steer it to the right destination"-P.T.Quah

Question

"Question not the orders given by your superior but question the rationale behind his orders"-P.T.Quah .

Peribahasa Kampung

"Ikan mati kerana umpan namun seorang lelaki mati kerana seorang gadis."-Peribahasa dari Pulau Langkawi.

Di Tanjung Harapan

Menutup hatiku daripada dunia ini,

Mendengar pukulan ombak di situ,

Menenangkan jiwaku yang bergelora,

Mengharapkan suasana sejuk berubah bahagia.

Melihatkan pantulan sinaran matahari,

Bagaikan emas bertaburan di atas laut,

Bila Sang Angin meniup ke mari,

Kulihatkan rambutNya bermain dengan

arus Sang Angin.

Saban hari melihatkan ketegangan dalam

mataNya,

Tetapi hari ini aku melepaskan perasaan itu,

Bila aku memeluk diriNya dekat pada hatiku,

Kelegaan disuarakan daripada suara hatiNya.

Aku datang ke sini dengan harapan,

Berharapan menenangkan jiwa dua insan,

Di sini aku menemui harapanku,

Di sinilah di Tanjung Harapan.

28-1-2010

"If you going to commit a crime you could just do it on the other side of the road."-Anonymous Malaysian.

Forgive or Forget?

Humans are often spoilt by choices and there are times there are certain choices that are hard to make.Thus it is said,choices can only be made based on the circumstances that an individual might be facing.I'd like to approach this topic which i find it to be quite interesting based on a revelation shown from someone close to me.

This topic is an elaborate topic which covers many areas but i would like to approach this topic based on a case where most people are familiar with.The case sounds like this,try imagining yourself in a situation whereby you got angry at someone for something he has done to you.He may hurt you a lot or he may hurt you a little.The whole point is that you are hurt and you are angry.So what would you?Would you forgive or forget?

We can attempt to approach this matter in two ways:

1:Forgive

A person once pointed out to me that you should learn to forgive in the first place.Forgiving makes you lose that grudge you have upon a person.Thus such an action would helps a person to let go of the anger from him.Try to see yourself as a burette filled with many unwanted chemicals within the apparatus.The anger is just like those unwanted chemicals.Now we just need to release all of the chemicals to empty the burette for it to become clean.When we are able to release the knob withholding the chemicals the burette would just become empty and pure again.Therefore to forgive is just like releasing all the unwanted anger away and by doing so we feel peaceful within ourselves.

2:Forget

Well now forgetting is also a component you may need or should need if you are facing such a situation.Forgetting some incident is in-fact good for anyone who is facing a tough time forgiving.Some sins are so hard to be forgiven that we should just forget about it.Someone said this to me before that by forgetting you are running away from your problem.Well it is actually how he forgets that resolves this issue.One should forget such a sin that has been done and move on with his life.Sometimes even when you might have forgiven somemone but if forgiving has not let out the anger what would you do?Well it is time to hit a reset button to erase all this feeling towards that memory.Thus a person who forgets can move on without lingering in past pains.It's just like reformatting your computer.

Well some might argue that forgiving can release your anger some might argue that forgetting is actually the solution.Sometimes forgiving is good but how sure is one that his anger has not dissipated or forgetting is just sometimes reluctance of facing your feelings.As you can see if one does not practice forgiving or forgetting the right way he might just end up in this dilemma.

This issue can get even more complex but i have tried to put it in a very simple way for everyone to understand.Choices are easy to make but we must never make the process of choice making anymore complex because believe me it is in-fact very easy to be done.One should just give yourself only two options "to do it or not to do it".The left or right,up or down?Why need so much drama?

To me forgiving and forgetting are equally good in the process of handling anger.Try to take it as a sort of anger management therapy.If you can't forgive then forget or vice versa because in the end of the day you just want to remove anger from you.Choose wisely which method that may fit your style for i'm sure you want to move on and create a new chapter in life.

Forgive or forget?You decide for yourself.

Now it's pain to see it,but i have to face the fact.My actions became my undoing.The times we spent were memorable.It will leave an imprint.My heart will be hollow once again.I've done the most painful thing in my life.

I believe in faith.Faith doesn't bless us now.Who knows it will one day?Shinning it's light on us like the first day we met.My heart is aching for what i've done.I've broken the heart of two.I have promise not to do it but today i have undone everything i have ever said.

I doubt i will ever rest well because the guilt will always be inside me.